6 ways to put a toxic person back in their place (without stooping down to their level)

Dealing with a toxic person can feel like an emotional minefield.

Whether it’s a coworker, a friend, or even a family member, their negativity and manipulative behavior can easily throw you off balance.

But here’s the thing: you don’t have to stoop to their level to stand your ground.

Putting a toxic person back in their place is about protecting your peace and setting firm boundaries without compromising your values.

It’s not about retaliation—it’s about taking control of the situation with maturity and grace.

If you’re ready to handle toxic behavior with confidence and clarity, here are six ways to do just that.

1) Set your boundaries

This is probably one of the most crucial steps you can take when dealing with a toxic person. It’s about respecting and valuing your own peace of mind.

You see, toxic people are often boundary violators. They will push and prod until they find a weak spot, and then they’ll exploit it.

But here’s the thing – just because they’re pushing doesn’t mean you have to give in.

You can define your limits. You can decide what you will and won’t tolerate. And once you’ve set those boundaries, stick to them.

Sure, they might not like it. They might even lash out. But that’s their problem and not yours.

Remember, it’s not about being confrontational or aggressive. It’s about asserting your right to be treated with respect and dignity. This brings me to the next point…

2) Be assertive, not aggressive

There’s a fine line between being assertive and being aggressive. And it’s important to understand the difference.

Being assertive means standing up for yourself and expressing your feelings in a calm, respectful manner.

Being aggressive, on the other hand, means imposing your feelings or will upon someone else.

For instance, I had a friend who was always making snide comments about my choices – my clothes, my job, and even my relationships. It was constant and it started to wear me down.

One day, I decided to confront her. I didn’t yell or accuse her. Instead, I calmly told her that her constant criticism was hurting me and that I would appreciate it if she kept her opinions to herself unless asked.

Her reaction wasn’t great. She got defensive and tried to turn it around on me. But I stayed calm and didn’t let her drag me into an argument.

As you can see, I was assertive, not aggressive. And while it was a difficult conversation, I felt so much better afterwards knowing that I had stood up for myself in a respectful way.

3) Practice emotional detachment

There’s a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt that I’ve always found to be incredibly powerful and applicable here: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

In other words, the power that a toxic person has over you is the power that you give them.

It’s a hard pill to swallow, I know. But the reality is that we cannot control other people’s actions or words, only our own reactions to them.

When dealing with a toxic person, it’s crucial to detach emotionally from their negativity. This doesn’t mean you don’t care or that you’re indifferent. It simply means you choose not to let their toxicity affect your emotional well-being.

In practice, this means not taking their words or actions personally. It means understanding that their behavior is a reflection of them, not you.

The goal of emotional detachment is simply to protect your mental and emotional health from unnecessary turmoil caused by someone else’s toxicity.

4) Understand the power dynamics

The power dynamics in a relationship can often make us feel trapped or helpless, especially when dealing with a toxic person. It’s as if they have some invisible force field that keeps us under their control.

But here’s something you might not know. Toxic people often rely on power and control because they are deeply insecure. They use manipulation, guilt trips, and other tactics to maintain control and hide their insecurities.

When you understand this, it changes the game. It allows you to see the situation for what it really is – a power play rather than a personal attack.

The next time you’re faced with a toxic person’s power play, remember this. Their need to control isn’t about you, it’s about them and their insecurities.

You don’t have to play into their hands. You can choose to step out of that power dynamic and stand your ground without stooping down to their level.

5) Choose your battles wisely

When it comes to dealing with a toxic person, there’s a certain wisdom in knowing when to engage and when to step back.

Not every snide comment, passive-aggressive gesture, or manipulative tactic deserves your energy. Sometimes, the best response is no response at all.

But then again, there are times when it’s important to take a stand, assert your boundaries, and let the toxic person know that their behavior is unacceptable.

The key is to choose your battles wisely. Ask yourself, “Is this worth my energy? Will engaging in this situation bring about a positive change or will it just drain me?”

Your time and energy are precious. Don’t waste them on pointless arguments or power plays. Stand up for yourself when it matters most, but also learn when to let things slide for the sake of your own peace and well-being.

6) Show compassion, but don’t be a doormat

Now, this might sound like a bit of a contradiction. After all, how can you show compassion to someone who’s constantly trying to bring you down?

But here’s the thing. Showing compassion doesn’t mean letting the toxic person walk all over you. It doesn’t mean tolerating their behavior or making excuses for them.

What it does mean is understanding that their toxicity likely stems from their own pain or struggles. It means recognizing that they are human, with their own set of problems and insecurities.

The whole idea here is for you to not stoop down to their level. And that involves practicing grace.

In other words, you shouldn’t let their negativity harden your heart.

So show them compassion, but also stand your ground. You can be kind without being a doormat. You can empathize with them without absorbing their toxicity.

Final thoughts

Dealing with toxic people is never easy, but it’s a reality we all face at some point.

The key is to handle these situations in a way that protects your peace and self-respect without getting dragged into their negativity.

It’s about showing that you value yourself enough to stand firm, no matter how challenging the behavior may be.

Ultimately, it’s not about changing them or proving anything—it’s about how you choose to respond.

By staying grounded and intentional in your actions, you can rise above the toxicity and create an environment where their influence doesn’t affect your well-being. Sometimes, the strongest move is simply refusing to play their game.