Emotional pain can be a tricky thing to navigate, and not everyone knows how to handle it effectively.
Often, those who struggle to process their emotional pain exhibit certain behaviors without even realizing it.
Just as there are key signs to look for in someone who is physically hurting, there are tell-tale behaviors that indicate someone is wrestling with emotional pain.
Here, we’re going to delve into 7 of these behaviors that people unknowingly display when they’re trying to manage unprocessed emotional anguish. So, let’s dive in and explore these signs together.
1) They often avoid emotional conversations
Handling emotional pain can be a daunting task, and one common behavior of those who struggle with this is avoiding emotional conversations.
Diving into deep emotional discussions requires us to face our feelings head-on. And that can be incredibly overwhelming for someone who hasn’t yet learned how to process their emotional pain.
So, instead of opening up about their feelings, they might dodge emotional topics, change the subject, or even withdraw from the conversation entirely.
This avoidance isn’t necessarily a conscious decision. It’s more of a defense mechanism, a way to protect oneself from the discomfort of confronting unresolved emotional pain.
2) They may seem excessively busy
If there’s one thing I’ve noticed about people grappling with unprocessed emotional pain, it’s that they can often seem excessively busy.
I’ve been guilty of this myself. There was a time in my life when I was juggling a full-time job, part-time studies, volunteer work, and a bustling social life.
Looking back, I realize that keeping myself constantly occupied was actually a way to avoid dealing with the emotional pain I was experiencing.
Having every minute of the day filled with tasks and responsibilities meant that I didn’t have to sit still and confront the feelings that were bubbling beneath the surface.
While being busy isn’t inherently negative, an overpacked schedule can sometimes be a sign of avoiding emotional processing. It’s important to strike a balance and make time for introspection and emotional healing.
Otherwise, those emotions would stay unaddressed and the wound continues to fester.
As psychoanalyst, Dr. Kristen Beesley astutely points out, “The problem is, the longer a person continues in this auto-piloted state, it actually increases their suffering because the person, in constant motion, has little time to think about the real pain and to wonder why am I really so busy.”
3) They might display exaggerated resilience
Another behavior that people struggling with emotional pain might display is an exaggerated sense of resilience or mental toughness.
On the surface, this might look like strength, but it can often be a mechanism to avoid dealing with emotional pain. If you’re always tough, always resilient, then you never have to admit that something hurts.
In my book, “The Art of Resilience: A Practical Guide to Developing Mental Toughness”, I delve into the concept of true resilience.
Real mental toughness isn’t about ignoring pain or emotions; it’s about acknowledging them and working through them. It’s about understanding that it’s okay not to be okay sometimes.
So if someone is constantly displaying an ‘I’m fine’ attitude, even in the face of adversity and hardship, they might be struggling with unprocessed emotional pain. Keep an eye out for this behavior – it’s more common than you’d think.
4) They might struggle with consistent relationships
Maintaining consistent, healthy relationships can seem like an uphill battle when wrestling with unprocessed emotional pain.
It’s like trying to drive a car with a flat tire. You can keep going, but it’s bumpy, and you’re not really getting anywhere.
There was a time when friendships felt more like a chore than a joy. It was as if every interaction required a Herculean effort, and the slightest disagreement felt like a personal attack.
Connecting with others on a deeper level seemed impossible because of the emotional turmoil festering within.
The struggle to maintain relationships isn’t about not caring or not wanting to connect. It’s more about the emotional energy that’s consumed by dealing with unprocessed pain. And that makes it hard to invest in relationships fully.
5) They appear overly happy
This might sound counter-intuitive, but individuals struggling with unprocessed emotional pain, sometimes, appear overly happy.
You’d expect someone dealing with emotional turmoil to look sad or troubled, right? However, it’s not always the case. In fact, some people mask their pain with an exaggerated display of happiness.
They might be the life of every party, always smiling and cracking jokes. But beneath this facade of joy and laughter, there could be a sea of unprocessed emotions.
It’s not that they’re deliberately being dishonest about their feelings; they’re just trying to keep the pain at bay.
This “happy” mask serves as a defense mechanism that helps them navigate through their day-to-day lives without confronting the emotional turmoil within.
6) They might overreact to minor issues
Another sign that someone is dealing with unprocessed emotional pain is if they tend to overreact to minor issues or situations.
You see, suppressed emotions are like a pressure cooker – if the steam doesn’t have a proper outlet, even a little extra heat can cause it to explode.
Similarly, when emotional pain isn’t processed and released, even small triggers can lead to disproportionate reactions.
These individuals might get excessively upset over minor inconveniences or perceived slights.
This behavior doesn’t mean they’re overly sensitive or dramatic. It’s just that their emotional capacity is already stretched thin dealing with their unprocessed pain, leaving little room for additional stressors.
7) They often resort to unhealthy coping mechanisms
Perhaps the most telling sign of unprocessed emotional pain is when individuals resort to unhealthy coping mechanisms.
This could take the form of overeating, substance abuse, excessive shopping, or any other behavior that provides temporary relief but ultimately exacerbates the problem.
These behaviors aren’t just random bad habits. They’re actually a cry for help — desperate attempts to numb the pain or distract from the emotional turmoil that’s yet to be processed.
Addressing these mechanisms isn’t just about breaking bad habits; it’s about helping the individual confront and process the underlying emotional pain. This is crucial for their long-term wellbeing and mental health.
Final thoughts
The ways in which we respond to emotional turmoil are as diverse and intricate as we are.
These behaviors aren’t necessarily intentional—they’re often habits developed over time, shaped by personal experiences, environment, and even cultural expectations.
Recognizing these behaviors in ourselves and others is the first step. But it’s what we do next that makes all the difference.
In my book “The Art of Resilience: A Practical Guide to Developing Mental Toughness”, I delve deeper into how to face and process this emotional pain, transforming it into resilience and strength.
Remember, emotional pain is not a life sentence. It’s an invitation to self-discovery and growth. It challenges us to look inward, to confront our pain, and ultimately, to heal.
So, as you navigate this journey, remember that it’s okay to feel. It’s okay to hurt. And most importantly, it’s okay to seek help when you need it.
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