How Embracing What I Resisted Healed Me from Chronic Illness

“What you resist not only persists but will grow in size.” ~Carl Jung

Ever since I was diagnosed with Lupus at the age of five, my life has felt like a never-ending struggle against fatigue, pain, and a myriad of symptoms. Despite trying numerous treatments and medications when I was younger, I never felt truly vibrant. My body seemed perpetually at war with itself, leaving me exhausted and unfulfilled.

Multiple flares often took me away from school and friends. I wondered why I couldn’t just live a childhood free of pain and suffering, like the other kids.

I struggled with wanting things to be a certain way and feeling a loss of control, which just catapulted me right into trying to control everything around me, leading to more distress and flaring my symptoms.

It was a vicious cycle.

Over the years, I clung to various diets and therapies, hoping to find relief. I tried all the diets and countless lifestyle changes. It felt like it had to be all or nothing. If I wasn’t doing it right 100% of the time, then it wasn’t going to work.  But no matter what I did, the relief was always temporary, and my health issues continued to overwhelm me.

The pandemic pushed me to a breaking point, intensifying my symptoms and bringing severe ringing in my ears and debilitating dizziness. It was a wake-up call, a moment of clarity where I recognized that I could no longer continue battling my body in the same way. I knew I needed a different approach to truly heal.

I found myself at a crossroads.

If what I was doing wasn’t working, what if everything I critiqued, ridiculed, and judged was exactly where I needed to go? And exactly the medicine I needed?

I realized it was time to address my emotions and subconscious beliefs. Even if it didn’t get me anywhere or I still decided it wasn’t for me, I could always walk away from it. I had to be willing to try, because clearly this way of living was keeping me in pain, fatigued, miserable, and unhappy.

I discovered that healing wasn’t solely about managing symptoms; it was about transforming my entire approach to life and how I viewed my condition. The turning point came when I realized that resisting my condition only made it persist and grow. By embracing all that I was resisting—both my condition itself and the emotions that often triggered it—things started to open up.

Breaking Free from Stagnation

Stagnation often stems from clinging to familiar patterns that no longer serve us. The comfort of the known and the fear of the unknown can trap us in cycles of merely managing symptoms without achieving real progress. Recognizing when we are stuck is crucial; it requires the courage to step outside these patterns and embrace change.

On my journey, I found myself clinging to overthinking and rationalizing instead of just feeling my feelings of fear, anxiety, and insecurity. This kept me stuck in a spiral of thoughts without ever taking any action. I also noticed that I was very critical of others and recognized that this was a sign of how critical I was being with myself.

Often, breaking free from stagnation comes at a rock-bottom moment in our lives, when we can admit to ourselves that our normal mode of doing things just. Isn’t. Working! These rock-bottom moments often bring a deep awareness into our lives where our current state in life comes into crystal clear focus. This awareness may be the catalyst for change, but how do you keep the momentum going?

Building your muscle of awareness and weaving that into your life and all that you do is the key.

To break free, start by evaluating your current routines, habits, and patterns of thought. Are they truly helping, or are they just familiar routines that provide only temporary relief? Are they just soothing activities so you can tell yourself you are doing something while keeping yourself stuck on the hamster wheel?

Observing your thoughts and behaviors without judgment will allow you to be a witness to yourself and make changes without attachment.

In my own journey, as I built awareness, I found a key aspect to success was to meet myself where I was. It is easy to fool ourselves into thinking we need to change overnight or to want results immediately. But pushing for this just keeps us stuck longer and removes any joy we may get from the journey.

On my own journey, I found that being present and feeling grateful in the small moments was key—like taking a breath over a lovely cup of matcha, or simply enjoying the warm breeze on my face. When it all felt overwhelming, I could come back to the present and appreciate whatever I was doing in that moment. I still find great comfort in these small moments.

It’s not about perfection, but progress. The more fun and curiosity we can have, and the more we move toward that which truly inspires us, the easier and faster we will evolve and heal.

The Power of the Subconscious Mind

Our subconscious beliefs shape our reality far more than we often realize. When we resist acknowledging the role of our subconscious, we may inadvertently reinforce limitations and barriers to our healing. By exploring and reprogramming these deep-seated beliefs, we can start breaking free from self-imposed limitations.

For instance, if you see yourself as a chronic illness patient, this identity can persistently shape your experience and interactions. Shifting your self-perception to that of a vibrant and capable individual can transform how you engage with the world and yourself. Easier said than done, I know; I’ve been there. But the more you work on identifying, uprooting, and reclaiming what you want to believe, the easier the transformation will become.

As my identity evolved from being a victim of illness to a vibrant individual, my healing process accelerated, and life opened up in even more ways than I had ever dreamed of. I was more connected with loved ones around me and more empathetic, and dreams I had desired for ages were suddenly appearing in my life without effort.

Finding Safety in the Body

In many circles of healing, they talk about the power of mindfulness and meditation. I have a deep respect for these modalities, and they have their place in a healing journey—mine included.

When I discovered somatic work, a form of therapy that uses mind-body techniques to help people release stress, trauma, and tension, it felt like my healing unlocked. For years, I felt as though my body was a battleground, constantly waging war against itself. This persistent sense of threat and discomfort made it difficult to heal effectively.

Finding, exploring, and embracing feelings of safety and trust in my body allowed me to address not just the symptoms but the root causes of my distress. Engaging in somatic work—focusing on feeling to process and then release emotions stored in my body—was transformative, magical even. This approach helped me understand that healing involves both mental and somatic dimensions.

By creating a sense of security and comfort within myself, I was able to support my body’s natural healing processes more effectively. Embracing the nonlinear nature of healing, understanding that progress comes in waves, and finding peace in my body were crucial for moving from mere survival to a state of thriving.

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Reflecting on my journey, I realize that true healing from chronic illness demands more than just managing symptoms—it requires a fundamental shift in how we approach life.

My battle with Lupus taught me that resisting my condition only made it persist, while embracing change allowed me to find real progress. By breaking free from stagnation, reprogramming my subconscious beliefs, and finding safety within my body, I discovered a transformative path to well-being.

Ultimately, this journey showed me that healing is a dynamic, non-linear process involving both mind and body. Embracing these insights allowed me to move from mere survival to thriving with renewed vitality and joy. The path to healing, though not without its ups and downs, proved that embracing what we resist can lead us to exactly that which we most desire.