For many years, I found myself fascinated by the world of social media.
You know the trend:
- Constant updates
- Sharing intimate details
- Photographing every meal
- Too much information, but never realizing it.
As a psychology enthusiast and Hack Spirit founder, I’ve always been captivated by human behavior. And there was a time, not too long ago, when I found myself constantly oversharing on social media, without even knowing it.
I was the guy who updated his status every hour, posted every meal, and shared thoughts that should’ve been kept private. My online life was an open book, but I was oblivious to my own behavior.
It wasn’t until I began to delve into the psychology behind oversharing that I realized the traits that were driving my actions. And it turns out, these traits are quite common among people who overshare on social media but don’t realize it.
In this article, I’m going to outline these 7 traits. Hopefully, this will provide some insight into your own social media habits or those of your friends.
Let’s get started.
1) Craving validation
As a psychology enthusiast, I soon realized my oversharing was driven by one major trait: a deep desire for validation.
Oversharers on social media often seek likes, comments, and shares to validate their experiences and feelings. It’s like a virtual thumbs-up to their life choices and experiences.
I was no exception. Every post was a bid for approval, every like a confirmation that I was seen, heard, and valued. But the more I sought this validation from others, the less authentic my posts became, and the less satisfied I felt.
The psychology behind this trait is rooted in our basic need for social acceptance. But when we rely on social media for this acceptance, it becomes a never-ending cycle: the more we share, the more validation we seek.
When I recognized this trait in myself, I started to question the motives behind my posts. Was I sharing this moment because it brought me joy? Or was I posting it in hopes of gaining approval from others?
Acknowledging this trait is the first step towards understanding your oversharing habits and breaking free from the need for online validation.
2) Lack of self-awareness
I remember a time when I’d post every detail of my life, no matter how mundane. From what I had for breakfast to my late-night thoughts, everything was fair game. I was under the impression that people were genuinely interested in every aspect of my life.
Looking back, I realize it was a reflection of my own limited self-awareness. I was so engrossed in my own world that I failed to consider the perspectives and interests of others.
Famous psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” It perfectly sums up the journey to self-awareness.
It was only when I accepted my tendency to overshare that I could start making changes.
Once I realized I have such a trait, I began to practice more intentional sharing. Instead of posting every thought or experience, I started to select moments that were truly meaningful or could spark meaningful conversations.
By becoming more self-aware, we can transform our social media habits from mindless oversharing to purposeful sharing.
3) Fear of missing out
Fear of missing out, or FOMO as it’s commonly known, was another trait that fueled my oversharing on social media.
I remember a time when I’d see posts from friends attending concerts, traveling the world, or simply having a fantastic meal at a new restaurant. Each post would stir up feelings of missing out and I would respond by posting my own experiences, in an attempt to show that I too was leading an interesting life.
But in reality, this constant comparison and competition were exhausting. It was like a never-ending race, where the finish line kept moving further away.
I realized that by succumbing to FOMO and constantly posting about my life, I was missing out on truly living and enjoying those moments.
By then, I started to limit my time on social media and focused more on living my life offline – and I discovered that the joy of experiencing something far outweighs the fleeting satisfaction of sharing it online.
Facing our fear of missing out can help us find a healthier balance between living our lives and sharing them online.
4) Low self-esteem
When I reflect on my past social media habits, I can see now that low self-esteem was a major factor in my oversharing.
I often used social media as a platform to portray an idealized version of my life, hoping it would boost my self-confidence and make me feel better about myself.
Interestingly, a study conducted by the University of Georgia found a direct correlation between low self-esteem and oversharing on social media.
The study revealed that people with lower self-esteem are more likely to post frequently about their daily routines, in hopes of gaining validation and boosting their self-worth.
This resonated with me deeply. Looking back, I can see how each post was an attempt to paint a perfect picture of my life, masking the insecurities and self-doubt that lurked beneath the surface.
It was such a wake-up call for me. I started working on boosting my self-esteem through self-care practices and self-affirmations and not externally.
It helped me understand that real self-confidence comes from within and not from the number of likes or comments on a social media post.
5) Seeking connection
In a world where we are more connected than ever before, it’s ironic how disconnected we can often feel.
For me, social media provided a platform to connect with others. Every post was an attempt to reach out and forge a connection, no matter how superficial it may have been.
Sharing intimate details of my life, I believed, made me more relatable and approachable to my online friends. But over time, I realized that these connections were largely surface-level and didn’t provide the deep, meaningful interactions I craved.
Understanding this trait made me rethink my approach to social media. I began using it as a tool to maintain connections rather than create them, focusing on quality interactions over quantity.
This shift in perspective helped me realize that while social media can supplement our connections, it can’t replace the value of real-life interactions and relationships.
6) Avoidance of discomfort
Whenever I felt anxious or upset, I’d turn to social media to distract myself from these unpleasant feelings.
Instead of facing my problems head-on, I’d lose myself in the world of likes, comments, and shares, posting my own content as a way of escaping reality.
It reminds me of a quote from renowned psychologist Carl Jung: “What you resist persists.” The more I tried to avoid my discomfort, the more it seemed to persist.
Eventually, I started to deal with my feelings instead of avoiding them. Instead of reaching for my phone when I felt uncomfortable, I’d sit with that feeling, understand its root cause, and address it accordingly.
This helped me break the cycle of avoidance and face my problems instead of escaping them through social media. Understanding this trait can be a powerful step towards healthier social media habits and better emotional well-being.
7) The illusion of control
I used to think that by sharing every detail of my life, I was in control of my narrative. But the reality was quite the opposite.
The more I shared, the more I felt the pressure to keep up appearances and maintain the image I had created online. It was like a self-imposed trap that left me feeling more out of control than ever.
What’s counterintuitive is that by sharing less, you actually gain more control. You decide what parts of your life to share and what to keep private.
A practical step you can take is to set boundaries for your social media sharing. Ask yourself before posting: “Is this something I want the world to know? Does this add value or is it just adding noise?”
This simple practice can help you regain control over your online presence and ensure that your social media habits align with your personal values and goals.
Conclusion
Understanding why we overshare can help us make more intentional choices about what we share and why.
My advice? Take a social media detox.
Start with a day, then a week, maybe even a month. Use this time to reflect on your social media habits and the traits that drive them.
Remember, social media is a tool. It’s up to us how we use it. Let’s use it to uplift ourselves and others, not to overshare or seek validation.
After all, the best moments in life aren’t always the ones we post online, but the ones we truly live and cherish.
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