7 subtle behaviors of the most resilient people, according to psychology

The dream: to bounce back from adversity like it’s a minor hiccup.

• Strength in the face of challenges
• Maintaining positivity even when things go wrong
• The ability to handle stress without falling apart.

Hi, I’m Lachlan Brown, founder of Hack Spirit and a die-hard psychology enthusiast.

A few years back, I found myself caught in a whirlwind of life’s trials and tribulations, feeling like I was continually knocked down and struggling to get back up.

I started to wonder: why do some people seem to handle life’s curveballs with grace and tenacity, while others (like me at the time) crumble under pressure?

Intrigued by this thought, I delved into the world of psychology. And what I discovered was fascinating.

Some individuals have a unique set of behaviors that make them more resilient—that help them weather life’s storms with an enviable ease.

In this article, I’m going to share these 7 subtle behaviors of the most resilient people, according to psychology. Trust me, it’s a game-changer. Let’s dive in.

1) Embracing change

Resilient people have a unique relationship with change: they embrace it.

This was a hard pill for me to swallow. As someone who craved stability and predictability, the idea of actually welcoming change seemed ludicrous.

But as I dug deeper into the psychology of resilience, I found that those who are more resilient see change as an inevitable part of life, and not necessarily a negative one.

Instead of resisting change and seeing it as a threat, they view it as an opportunity for growth, learning, and new experiences.

They adapt quickly and are able to pivot when things don’t go as planned.

This shift in perspective was a game-changer for me. Instead of dreading changes, I started to see them as chances for self-improvement and personal development.

You can start small: try a new route to work, switch up your morning routine, or learn a new skill.

Embrace the unfamiliar, and you’ll soon notice how this subtle behavior can significantly boost your resilience.

2) Cultivating a positive outlook

The most resilient people I’ve come across have one thing in common: they possess an unwavering positive outlook on life.

I admit, I used to be skeptical about this. How could simply “thinking positive” make any significant impact on resilience? But as I delved deeper into psychological studies, I found my answer.

Famous psychologist Martin Seligman once said, “Optimism is invaluable for the meaningful life. With a firm belief in a positive future, you can throw yourself into the service of that which is larger than you are.”

This quote resonated deeply with me. I realized that my own pessimistic views were holding me back.

I decided to put this into practice in my own life. When my website Hack Spirit was not gaining traction initially, despite all my efforts and time, it was easy to dwell on negatives and think about giving up.

But instead, I chose to believe in a positive future. I held onto the vision of what Hack Spirit could become.

And guess what? It worked! Today, Hack Spirit has grown beyond what I could have ever imagined.

Cultivating a positive outlook is not about ignoring reality or denying the hardships we face. It’s about choosing to see the potential for growth and positivity even in the face of adversity.

3) Building strong relationships

Resilience isn’t just about personal strength – it’s also about the strength of your connections with others.

I learned this the hard way. A few years ago, I was so focused on my work at Hack Spirit that I neglected my relationships. When a personal crisis hit, I found myself with few people to turn to for support.

It was a wake-up call. I realized that resilient people have strong, healthy relationships that they can lean on in times of stress. They nurture these relationships and understand their value in boosting their resilience.

I began to make a conscious effort to invest time and energy in my relationships. I started to reach out more, to be there for others, and to allow them to be there for me.

It was transformative. Not only did I have a support system when I faced challenges, but these relationships also brought joy and fulfillment into my everyday life.

4) Practicing self-compassion

I used to believe that being hard on myself was the only way to achieve my goals. But with time and learning I changed my perspective.

A study published in Psychology Research and Behavior Management found that self-compassion is strongly associated with increased well-being and reduced psychological problems, indicating that treating oneself with kindness and understanding during personal challenges contributes significantly to resilience.

In other words, resilient people do not berate themselves for their mistakes or shortcomings. Instead, they treat themselves with the same kindness and understanding they would offer a friend.

When I applied this to my own life, the effect was profound.

When Hack Spirit faced setbacks, instead of beating myself up about it, I chose to be kind to myself, to understand that setbacks are a part of life.

This shift in perspective made me more resilient. I was able to bounce back from failures faster and with more strength because I wasn’t wasting energy blaming myself.

5) Emphasizing self-care

If there’s one behavior that’s often overlooked when it comes to resilience, it’s self-care.

For years, I was under the impression that resilience meant pushing through no matter what, even at the cost of my own well-being.

But over time, I realized that neglecting self-care was not making me more resilient — quite the opposite. I was constantly tired, stressed, and on the brink of burnout.

Resilient people understand that to face life’s challenges, they need to be in their best physical, emotional, and mental state. And that requires taking care of oneself.

I started prioritizing self-care in my routine, dedicating time each day to activities that rejuvenated me — be it a brisk walk in the park, a relaxing bath, or simply enjoying a good book.

The impact was immediate and profound. I felt more energized, my stress levels decreased, and I was better equipped to handle setbacks.

6) Developing a growth mindset

Resilient individuals approach failure not as an endpoint but as an opportunity for growth and improvement.

According to psychologist Carol Dweck, adopting a growth mindset—a belief that abilities can be developed through effort and perseverance—plays a crucial role in this process.

Dweck contrasts this with a fixed mindset, where people see their intelligence or talents as unchangeable traits, often leading to a fear of failure and stagnation.

In contrast, a growth mindset fosters resilience by reframing challenges as opportunities to learn and improve.

For example, when faced with setbacks, those with a growth mindset focus on analyzing what went wrong, making adjustments, and trying again rather than viewing failure as a reflection of their abilities.

This perspective allows them to persist in the face of adversity, ultimately turning failures into stepping stones toward success.

7) Accepting that not everything can be controlled

One of the defining characteristics of resilient people is their acceptance that they can’t control everything.

For the longest time, I was a control freak. I believed that if I could control all aspects of my life, I could prevent failures and disappointments. But life, as it turns out, doesn’t work that way.

Resilient people understand that certain things are simply beyond their control. They focus their energy and efforts on what they can control: their own reactions and attitudes.

This acceptance does not mean giving up or being passive. It means distinguishing between what you can and cannot control, and focusing your energy where it actually matters.

Try this: the next time you face a challenging situation, ask yourself: “What aspects of this situation can I control?”

Focus on those, and let go of the rest. You might be surprised at how empowering it feels.