There’s a vast gap between someone acting like your close friend and actually being one.
This divide boils down to authenticity. Pretending to be a close friend involves putting up a facade, an act that obscures their real intentions.
Being a true friend, however, is all about honesty, even when it’s hard. It’s about giving you the freedom to be yourself and supporting you unconditionally.
Recognizing a true friend isn’t always easy. But don’t worry, I’ve got your back.
I’ll share some telltale signs that someone isn’t really your close friend, even if they’re great at pretending to be one.
Let’s dive right into these 7 signs.
1) They’re always too busy
We all lead busy lives, with work, family, and personal commitments. It’s a fact of modern life.
But here’s the thing about true friends – they make time for you. No matter how hectic their schedule, they find a way to fit you in.
If someone is always too busy to meet up or even have a quick chat, it’s a red flag. It might be that they’re just not that invested in your friendship.
The “too busy” excuse can often be a cover-up for their lack of interest or commitment towards maintaining the friendship. And it’s something that you should keep an eye on.
Remember, actions speak louder than words. If they really valued your friendship, they wouldn’t always be “too busy”.
The first sign that someone isn’t really your close friend is their constant unavailability. Keep this in mind as we explore the other signs.
2) They only reach out when they need something
This one hits close to home. I once had a “friend” who would only get in touch when she needed a favor.
Whether it was help with moving or needing someone to vent to after a bad day, I was her go-to.
When I needed support or just wanted to catch up, she was nowhere to be found.
And it wasn’t long before I realized that our relationship was mostly one-sided.
A true friend is there for you in good times and bad, not just when they need something from you.
If you find that someone in your life only seems to remember you when they require help or a favor, it’s a clear sign that they may not be the close friend they claim to be.
It’s important to recognize this imbalance as it can often lead to feeling used and undervalued in the friendship.
3) They’re quick to judge and slow to understand
People who are quick to judge others and slow to understand them tend to have lower levels of empathy.
Real friends try to understand you before making any judgments. They empathize with your struggles and celebrate your successes.
They don’t rush to conclusions or make hasty judgments about your choices or actions.
If someone is always critical, judgmental, or unsupportive of your decisions without trying to understand your perspective, it’s a sign they’re not your close friend.
True friendship is marked by understanding, acceptance, and mutual respect. If these elements are missing, it might be time to reconsider the friendship.
4) They don’t celebrate your accomplishments
One of the most fulfilling aspects of friendship is the ability to share in each other’s joys and successes.
A true friend will be genuinely happy for you when you achieve something, no matter how big or small.
If someone consistently downplays your achievements or, worse, ignores them altogether, it’s a clear sign they’re not really your close friend.
Instead of sharing in your happiness, they might seem uninterested or even envious.
This negativity can undermine your self-confidence and happiness.
A real friend will be there to cheer you on every step of the way. They’ll be proud of your accomplishments and eager to celebrate with you.
If this isn’t the case, it’s time to reassess the friendship.
5) They never stick up for you
I remember a time in high school when I was being teased by a group of classmates. I looked around for support and found my “close friend” standing there, silent.
She didn’t intervene or defend me. It was a painful realization that she wasn’t really my close friend.
True friends are your advocates. They stand by you, even when it’s uncomfortable or difficult. They defend you when you’re not around to defend yourself.
If someone consistently fails to stand up for you, especially in situations where you’re being treated unfairly or unkindly, it’s a sign they’re not your close friend.
This lack of support can be hurtful and damaging.
True friendship requires courage, loyalty, and integrity – qualities that are evident when someone is willing to stick up for you.
6) They don’t respect your boundaries
Everyone has boundaries – those lines we draw to protect our emotional, physical, and mental wellbeing. These boundaries are critical in any relationship, including friendships.
If someone repeatedly crosses your boundaries or dismisses them as unimportant, it’s a clear sign they’re not really your close friend.
Ignoring or disrespecting your boundaries shows a lack of regard for your feelings and wellbeing.
It can leave you feeling disrespected and undervalued, which is not what a true friendship should feel like.
A real friend will respect your boundaries.
They’ll understand that these limits are essential for your comfort and happiness. If this isn’t the case, it’s time to reassess the friendship.
7) They’re not there during tough times
This is perhaps the most telling sign. Life is full of ups and downs, and it’s during the hard times that we truly need our friends.
A real friend will be there for you when you’re going through a rough patch, offering support, comfort, and a listening ear.
If someone disappears or distances themselves when things get tough, they’re not really your close friend.
The ability to weather the storms of life together is what strengthens and deepens friendship.
Without this, the friendship lacks depth and substance.
Final thoughts: It’s all about authenticity
At the heart of every strong friendship lies authenticity – the ability to be real, honest, and genuine with each other.
This authenticity is what allows trust to grow, fosters mutual understanding, and builds a bond that can withstand the test of time.
Recognizing when a friendship lacks this authenticity can be challenging. It requires introspection, emotional intelligence, and sometimes, the courage to acknowledge painful truths.
Maya Angelou once said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
It’s essential to pay attention to these signs and understand that it’s okay to let go if a friendship doesn’t serve you well.
After all, we all deserve friends who genuinely care for us, celebrate our successes, stand up for us, respect our boundaries, and are there for us during tough times.
It’s these authentic connections that enrich our lives, provide us with support, and contribute to our overall happiness.
Take a moment to reflect on your friendships. Are they built on authenticity or are they just pretending to be what they’re not?
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