7 behaviors of parents who deny they have a favorite child (even though they clearly do)

I grew up hearing, “I love you both equally. I don’t have a favorite.”

But let’s be real.

Sometimes, it felt like my sister got a bigger slice of the parental affection pie.

And hey, apparently, I’m not alone in this.

Research suggests that most parents (yes, even the ones who vehemently deny it) do have a favorite child. Hard to swallow, right?

These parents often display some tell-tale behaviors. You know, the kind that says, “I’m not choosing favorites,” while their actions clearly show otherwise.

If you’re curious to know more about these behaviors or perhaps wondering if you might be doing the same as a parent, stick around. In this article, we’ll dive into seven behaviors of parents who deny they have a favorite child (even though they clearly do).

1. Unequal attention

Let’s break it down.

Our attention is a valuable resource, right? And as parents, we’re often juggling a ton of things at once. Work, chores, managing finances – the list goes on.

Now, here’s where it gets tricky.

Even though we’re stretched thin, our kids notice where our attention goes. And if you find yourself giving more attention to one child over the other, well, you might be playing favorites.

It’s not just about the quantity of attention either. It’s about the quality too.

Are you more interested in your eldest’s soccer practice than your youngest’s piano recital? Do you find yourself praising one child’s achievements more than the other’s?

These are tiny details. But trust me, kids pick up on them.

The takeaway?

Strive for balance. Your attention is a powerful tool that can either foster equality or fuel favoritism in your parenting. Be mindful of it.

2. Inconsistent discipline

Now, this one hit close to home for me.

Growing up, my younger brother, Jake, could get away with just about anything. I mean, he once broke Mom’s favorite vase and all he got was a mild scolding.

On the other hand, if I so much as forgot to make my bed, I’d get a stern lecture on responsibility.

Unfair? I sure thought so.

As a parent now, I see how easy it can be to let the little one’s mischiefs slide while expecting more from the older child. But that’s the trap!

It’s crucial to remember that consistent discipline is key. It’s not about being strict or lenient. It’s about being fair.

By setting the same rules for all your children and sticking to them, you’re showing them that everyone is treated equally in your eyes. Plus, it sets a healthy precedent for them to learn about fairness and justice too.

So, as tough as it may be sometimes, aim for consistency in your discipline.

3. The comparison game

Ever find yourself saying, “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” or “Your brother never gives me this much trouble”?

Yeah, I’ve been there too.

Comparing siblings is a slippery slope, my friends. It’s a behavior that subtly hints at favoritism and it’s oh-so-easy to fall into.

As a parent, I sometimes catch myself doing this. When one of my kids is acting up, it’s tempting to use their sibling as a benchmark. But here’s the thing – it doesn’t solve the issue at hand. Instead, it breeds resentment and rivalry.

Every child is unique with their own strengths and weaknesses. They deserve to be appreciated for who they are, not how they measure up to their siblings.

Let’s stop the comparison game. It does more harm than good. Instead, let’s focus on understanding and addressing each child’s individual needs and behaviors.

4. Shifting responsibilities

Picture this scenario.

Your eldest child is struggling with math homework. At the same time, your youngest wants you to play a board game with them. As much as you’d like to be there for both, you can’t be in two places at once.

So what do you do?

If you find yourself consistently nudging your older child to be more independent while indulging the younger one, you might be unknowingly favoring one child over the other.

Now, don’t get me wrong.

Encouraging independence is important. But it becomes a problem when one child feels they are shouldering more responsibilities than their sibling. It can lead them to feel less favored.

The solution?

Strive for a balance in distributing responsibilities and attention. Ultimately, equality in parenting isn’t just about treating your kids the same way.

It’s also about meeting their individual needs and acknowledging their unique capabilities.

5. Oversharing achievements

Our children’s achievements fill us with immense pride. It’s only natural to want to share these moments with our friends, relatives, and hey, even the random stranger at the grocery store.

But here’s the catch.

A study conducted by researchers at Brigham Young University found that when parents over-emphasize a child’s achievements, it can lead other siblings to feel overlooked.

It’s easy to get caught up in the thrill of a winning goal or a stellar report card. But if one child’s victories are always in the spotlight while the other’s are left in the shadows, it could signal favoritism.

Strive for balance. Celebrate each child’s successes – big or small – with equal fervor. A spelling test aced deserves just as much praise as a soccer tournament won.

Here’s the thing: What might seem trivial to you can be significant for them.

And when you acknowledge their victories, you’re not just celebrating their achievement; you’re also validating their efforts and boosting their self-esteem.

6. Overlooking feelings

We’ve all had those days.

Days when your little one would throw a tantrum because they didn’t get to eat ice cream for breakfast. Or when your teenager would sulk because they couldn’t go to that late-night party.

In such moments, it’s easy to dismiss their feelings as ‘childish’ or ‘teenage drama’. But that can be hurtful.

Every feeling is valid, no matter how trivial it may seem to us adults. Dismissing or overlooking your child’s feelings can make them feel unimportant or less favored.

Instead, try this.

Take a moment, sit down with them, and listen. Ask them why they feel the way they do. Validate their feelings and assure them it’s okay to feel upset, angry, or disappointed.

This small act of kindness can go a long way in making your child feel loved and valued equally. Plus, it teaches them to handle their emotions in a mature way – a vital life skill.

7. Ignoring individuality

This one is critical.

Each child is a unique individual with their own set of strengths, weaknesses, interests, and quirks. When parents fail to recognize this individuality and treat their children as ‘one-size-fits-all’, it can lead to feelings of favoritism.

Your artistically inclined child might feel less favored if you constantly push them towards sports because that’s where their sibling excels. Or your introverted child might feel overlooked if you’re always praising their extroverted sibling’s social skills.

Every child deserves to be loved and appreciated for who they are, not who we want them to be or how they compare to their siblings.

Recognize their individuality. Nurture their unique talents and passions. Show them that they are special in their own way. It’s the most powerful way to ensure each child feels equally loved and valued.

Parenting is a journey, not a destination. It’s filled with ups and downs, joys and challenges, triumphs and mistakes.

Recognizing favoritism isn’t about self-blame. It’s about understanding your actions and their effects on your children. If you’ve noticed any of these behaviors in yourself, remember – it doesn’t make you a bad parent. It makes you human.

The beauty of it? You can always change.