We’ve all dealt with liars at some point—whether it’s the occasional white lie or someone who seems to twist the truth so much, it becomes their reality.
There’s a big difference between a harmless fib and the kind of lying that creates a web of deception you can’t untangle.
The truth is, habitual liars don’t just tell lies—they live them.
And behind those constant falsehoods are often deeper, toxic traits that can poison relationships and erode trust.
In this piece, we’re getting real about the eight toxic traits often found in people who just can’t stop lying.
Once you spot these traits, it’s hard to unsee them—and honestly, it might just change the way you approach certain people in your life.
1) Constantly shifting blame
In the world of habitual liars, there’s a notorious trait that often appears: the inability to take responsibility.
These individuals are experts at shifting blame.
They’ve mastered the art of deflecting and diverting attention away from their own shortcomings or mistakes.
You see, admitting to a mistake would require honesty, something that doesn’t come naturally to constant liars.
Instead, they find it easier to fabricate a narrative that puts the blame on someone or something else.
It can be as simple as blaming traffic for being late, rather than admitting they overslept.
Or as complex as spinning a web of deceit around a failed project at work.
This trait not only shields them from accountability but also creates a toxic atmosphere of mistrust and suspicion.
2) Building grandiose stories
I’ve been around people who have an innate knack for weaving grandiose stories.
They can spin a tale so vivid and expansive that it leaves you in awe, or at least that’s what they aim for.
I remember a friend of mine, let’s call him John.
He was always the life of the party, regaling us with his epic adventures. Every story was bigger and better than the last – from saving a drowning child to meeting famous celebrities in unlikely places.
At first, we were all swept up in these thrilling narratives.
But over time, we began to notice inconsistencies. John’s stories were often too grandiose to be true.
On probing deeper, we realized he was exaggerating reality or outright lying to make his life seem more exciting.
People who habitually lie often use these grandiose stories to impress others or seek attention.
It’s another toxic trait that sows mistrust and disillusionment in relationships.
After all, genuine connections are built on trust and honesty, not fabricated tales.
3) Frequent use of self-deception
When it comes to chronic liars, self-deception is a trait that often goes hand in hand with their falsehoods.
This is more than just bending the truth to others; this is about bending the truth to themselves.
Psychology reveals that habitual liars tend to believe their own lies over time. It’s a cognitive process known as “confabulation”.
This term refers to the distortion, fabrication, or misinterpretation of the memory about oneself or the world, without the conscious intention to deceive.
In other words, habitual liars may not always be conscious of their lying. They can deceive themselves into believing their own false narratives, blurring the lines between reality and fiction.
This trait makes it even more challenging to deal with habitual liars, as they themselves may not recognise their dishonesty.
It’s a toxic trait that can lead to confusion, frustration, and conflicts in relationships.
4) Manipulative tendencies
Habitual liars are often masters of manipulation.
This trait allows them to control situations to their advantage, using lies as their primary tool.
Manipulative individuals use their deceptive ways to influence or control others’ actions or emotions.
They might lie about their feelings, create fake scenarios, or twist facts to suit their narrative.
The purpose?
To get what they want, irrespective of how it affects others.
This manipulative behavior is not just dishonest but also deeply toxic. It erodes trust, breeds insecurity, and can lead to emotional harm.
5) Struggle with genuine empathy
At the heart of every meaningful relationship, there lies a mutual understanding – the ability to empathize with each other’s emotions and experiences.
However, this very trait seems to be a struggle for habitual liars.
Lying consistently about everything can create a barrier to genuine empathy.
They’re so wrapped up in their world of make-believe that they often fail to understand or share the feelings of others.
It’s a sad reality, but it’s crucial to recognize.
This lack of empathy can lead to emotional disconnect and can even strain relationships.
6) Insecurity and low self-esteem
I’ve seen firsthand how habitual lying can often be a cover for deep-seated insecurities and low self-esteem.
When I was younger, I struggled with my self-image.
I felt inadequate, fearing that people wouldn’t like the “real me”.
To compensate, I found myself exaggerating stories, achievements, and even my personality, just to fit in or impress others.
Over time, I realized that this was not just dishonest but also harmful to my mental health.
I was living a lie, constantly under the pressure of keeping up with my false narratives.
In retrospect, I understand that my habitual lying was a manifestation of my insecurities and low self-esteem.
7) Consistent need for validation
Another trait commonly present in habitual liars is a consistent need for validation.
They tend to seek constant affirmation from others to feel good about themselves.
This need for validation often drives them to lie about their achievements, experiences, or skills.
By painting a more appealing picture of themselves, they hope to secure the approval and admiration of others.
However, this is a toxic trait because it not only involves deceit but also places an unhealthy dependence on external validation.
Instead of finding worth within themselves, habitual liars tend to base their self-worth on how others perceive them.
8) Lack of remorse or guilt
The most disturbing trait in habitual liars is perhaps their lack of remorse or guilt for their dishonest actions.
They often fail to appreciate the emotional and psychological impact their lies can have on others.
This lack of guilt is not just a sign of insensitivity but also a major red flag of deeper personality disorders.
It’s important to understand that this is not just about occasional white lies.
This is about chronic, intentional dishonesty without any regard for its consequences.
A call for empathy
The psychology behind human behavior is complex and layered, particularly when it comes to habitual lying.
Research suggests that habitual liars have more white matter and less grey matter in their prefrontal cortices, areas of the brain involved in decision making and behavior regulation.
This could potentially explain why they find it easier to lie.
Remember, not everyone who tells a lie is a habitual liar, and not every habitual liar is beyond help.
Recognizing these toxic traits is the first step towards addressing the issue.
Understanding these traits can lead us to deal more effectively with the habitual liars in our lives.
It may also help us foster empathy for those caught in a cycle of deception, perhaps due to underlying psychological or neurobiological issues.
As we navigate our relationships and interactions, let’s remember to promote honesty, encourage transparency, and foster environments where people feel no need to hide behind a veil of lies.
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