Standing up for yourself isn’t always easy. I know because I’ve struggled with it, too.
When you’re used to avoiding conflict or putting others first, it’s easy to slip into patterns of speech that undermine your own needs—without even realizing it.
The words we use shape how others see us and, more importantly, how we see ourselves. And some phrases can make us seem unsure, apologetic, or even invisible.
If you find it hard to assert yourself, chances are you’ve used these nine phrases before. Recognizing them is the first step toward breaking the habit and speaking with more confidence.
1) “Sorry, but…”
If you struggle to stand up for yourself, chances are you apologize more than you need to.
One of the most common ways this shows up is by starting sentences with “Sorry, but…”—even when there’s nothing to be sorry for.
Apologizing when you haven’t done anything wrong can make you seem unsure of yourself. It signals to others that your thoughts or requests aren’t as important as theirs.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with saying sorry when it’s warranted. But if you catch yourself using it as a default for speaking up, try skipping the apology and just stating what you need.
You don’t have to be rude—just confident.
2) “I don’t mind, whatever works for you”
For a long time, this was my go-to response anytime someone asked for my opinion—where to eat, what movie to watch, even big decisions that directly affected me.
I thought I was being easygoing, but in reality, I was just avoiding speaking up. Deep down, I did have preferences. I just didn’t want to inconvenience anyone or risk disagreement.
The problem? When you constantly defer to others, people start assuming your opinion doesn’t matter. And over time, you might start believing that, too.
Now, I make a conscious effort to voice my thoughts, even on small things. It’s not about being difficult—it’s about reminding myself (and others) that what I want matters just as much as anyone else.
3) “I just think that…”
Starting a sentence with “I just think that…” might seem harmless, but it can actually weaken your statement before you even make it.
The word “just” minimizes what you’re saying, making it sound less important or authoritative. It subtly suggests that your opinion isn’t as strong or valid as it could be.
In fact, studies have shown that women tend to use minimizing language like this more often than men, which can contribute to them being taken less seriously in professional and social settings.
If you want to stand up for yourself more, try dropping the unnecessary qualifiers. Instead of saying, “I just think that we should try a different approach,” say, “I think we should try a different approach.” It’s a small shift, but it makes a big difference in how you come across.
4) “I could be wrong, but…”
We’ve all said this at some point, but if you struggle to stand up for yourself, you might use it more often than you realize.
By prefacing your thoughts with “I could be wrong, but…”, you’re undercutting your own point before you even make it. It’s like telling people not to take you too seriously.
Of course, nobody is right 100% of the time. But there’s no need to highlight the possibility of being wrong every time you speak up. If you’re unsure about something, ask a question instead of apologizing for your perspective.
Confidence isn’t about always having the right answer—it’s about trusting that your voice deserves to be heard.
5) “Does that make sense?”
At first glance, this might seem like a harmless way to check if someone understands you. But often, it’s used as a subconscious way to seek validation—or worse, to suggest that what you just said might not have made sense.
When you ask “Does that make sense?” after explaining something, it can make you seem unsure of yourself, even when you’re completely right. It subtly places doubt in the listener’s mind about your confidence and credibility.
A stronger alternative? Try saying, “Let me know if you have any questions.” This keeps the door open for clarification without undermining your own words.
6) “It’s not a big deal”
How many times have you brushed off something that actually was a big deal to you?
When you downplay your feelings or needs, you’re telling yourself—and everyone around you—that they don’t really matter. But they do matter. Your comfort, your boundaries, your preferences—they all deserve to be acknowledged and respected.
Of course, not everything needs to turn into a confrontation. But if something bothers you, it’s okay to say so. You’re not being difficult. You’re not making a fuss. You’re simply standing up for yourself, and that’s something worth doing.
7) “I don’t want to be a burden”
There was a time when asking for help felt almost impossible. No matter how overwhelmed I was, I convinced myself that everyone else had more important things to deal with. So instead of reaching out, I pushed through alone.
The truth is, most people want to help. They don’t see it as a burden the way we imagine they do. And when we constantly refuse support, we don’t just make things harder for ourselves—we also deny others the chance to show they care.
Needing help doesn’t make you a burden. It makes you human. And letting people be there for you isn’t a weakness—it’s a strength.
8) “I’m fine”
How many times have you said “I’m fine” when you were anything but?
It’s an easy fallback when you don’t want to make a scene or trouble anyone with your feelings. But over time, constantly saying “I’m fine” teaches people that they don’t need to check in on you—that whatever you’re going through isn’t worth their attention.
You don’t have to share everything with everyone, but if something is bothering you, it’s okay to be honest about it. Saying “I’ve had a rough day” or “I could use some support” doesn’t make you weak—it makes you real. And the right people will listen.
9) “I guess…”
When you say “I guess”, you’re giving away your power.
It turns a confident statement into something uncertain. It makes a decision sound like a shrug. It tells people that you’re not really sure—so why should they be?
You don’t have to second-guess yourself to make others comfortable. Your thoughts, your choices, and your voice are just as valid as anyone else’s. Say what you mean. And mean what you say.
Bottom line: Your voice matters
The way we speak shapes the way we’re seen—but more importantly, it shapes the way we see ourselves.
Psychologists have found that language doesn’t just reflect our thoughts; it also reinforces them. When we constantly soften our words, apologize unnecessarily, or downplay our own needs, it strengthens the belief that we should take up less space.
But the opposite is also true. Small shifts in language can rewire how we think about ourselves. Speaking with more confidence—even before we feel confident—can help us grow into that strength.
Your thoughts, your boundaries, and your needs are just as important as anyone else’s. And the first step to standing up for yourself is believing that your voice deserves to be heard.
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