Not everyone in your life is cheering for your success. Some people might smile to your face but secretly hope you stumble.
The tricky part? They rarely come right out and say it. Instead, their true feelings slip through in subtle ways—small actions, offhand comments, or patterns of behavior that just don’t sit right.
Recognizing these signs can help you protect your energy and surround yourself with people who genuinely support you. Here are seven behaviors to watch for if someone is secretly rooting against you.
1) They downplay your achievements
You share some good news—maybe you landed a big client, hit a personal milestone, or got recognized for your hard work. Instead of celebrating with you, they brush it off.
“That’s not a big deal.”
“Anyone could have done that.”
“I guess that’s cool… but did you hear what I did?”
When someone is secretly rooting against you, they won’t outright say they don’t want you to succeed. Instead, they’ll minimize your wins, making them seem smaller or less important than they really are.
The goal? To keep you from feeling too confident or proud of yourself. Pay attention to how people react when good things happen for you—it can reveal a lot.
2) They give backhanded compliments
I once had a coworker who always seemed supportive—until I really thought about the things she said.
When I got a promotion, she smiled and said, “Wow, I guess they’re really lowering the requirements these days!” When I gave a presentation that went well, she told me, “You actually sounded really confident up there. I was surprised!”
At first, I laughed it off. But over time, I realized the pattern—every compliment came with a hidden jab. Instead of lifting me up, her words planted doubt.
If someone constantly phrases their praise in a way that makes you second-guess yourself, it might not be an accident. They may not want you to fail outright, but they definitely don’t want you feeling too good about your success.
3) They subtly exclude you
You find out about a meeting after it happens. You hear colleagues talking about an event you were never invited to. You notice certain people always seem to “forget” to loop you in.
Exclusion isn’t always obvious—it can be as simple as not mentioning something or conveniently leaving you out of the conversation. And the effects can be powerful. Studies have shown that social exclusion activates the same regions of the brain as physical pain.
When someone secretly doesn’t want you to succeed, they may not openly push against you. Instead, they’ll quietly leave you out, making sure you miss key moments, connections, or opportunities that could help you move forward.
4) They only support you when you’re struggling
At first, they seem like a great friend or colleague—always there when things go wrong, offering advice, sympathy, or a listening ear. But the moment you start thriving, their energy shifts.
They’re suddenly distant, uninterested, or even irritated. They no longer cheer you on or ask about your progress. It’s almost as if they preferred you when you were struggling.
That’s because some people feel more comfortable when you’re not doing better than them. As long as you need help, they feel in control. But once you start rising, their hidden resentment starts to show.
5) They act overly happy when you fail
Disappointment is a part of life, but the way people react to your setbacks can be very telling. Some will genuinely sympathize and encourage you to keep going. Others, however, will try to hide their satisfaction—but not well enough.
Maybe it’s the slight smirk when they hear bad news. The way their tone sounds just a little too cheerful when they say, “Oh no, that’s too bad!” Or how they suddenly have plenty of time to talk when things aren’t going well for you—but disappear the moment you succeed.
It’s unsettling to realize that someone in your circle secretly enjoys seeing you struggle. But paying attention to these small reactions can help you see who truly supports you—and who only sticks around to watch you stumble.
6) They constantly compare themselves to you
Healthy competition can be a good thing, but when someone is always measuring themselves against you, it’s a red flag.
They turn every conversation into a subtle competition—if you share a win, they immediately mention one of theirs. If you achieve something, they downplay it by pointing out how they did it first or better. Even in casual situations, they always seem to be keeping score.
This kind of behavior often comes from insecurity. Instead of focusing on their own growth, they see your success as a threat. And when someone is secretly rooting against you, they don’t just want to succeed—they want to make sure they’re staying ahead of you.
7) They disguise criticism as “just being honest”
Honest feedback is valuable, but some people use it as an excuse to tear you down.
They’ll say things like, “I’m just being real with you,” or “Don’t take it the wrong way, but…” right before delivering a comment that feels more like an attack than constructive advice.
The difference between real honesty and hidden negativity is intent. True honesty helps you grow. This kind of “honesty” is meant to make you doubt yourself.
Bottom line: pay attention to the patterns
Human interactions are rarely black and white. Most people won’t openly admit they’re hoping you fail—but their actions have a way of revealing the truth.
Psychologists often emphasize that our brains are wired to pick up on subtle social cues, even when we don’t consciously realize it. That uneasy feeling you get around someone? It might not be in your head.
No single behavior proves someone is rooting against you, but patterns don’t lie. When you start noticing repeated signs—dismissive comments, hidden jabs, quiet exclusions—it’s worth asking yourself whether they really have your best interests at heart.
The people around you can either push you forward or quietly hold you back. The more aware you are, the easier it becomes to surround yourself with those who truly want to see you win.
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