7 phrases emotional manipulators use that sound kind—but aren’t

My granddad, a man of few but impactful words, once told me, “Not all that glitters is gold.”

Intriguing, isn’t it?

And it wasn’t until I ventured into the world of relationships and interactions that I really understood what he meant.

It’s a world where kindness isn’t always genuine, and good intentions can be veiled in manipulative language.

Now, don’t get me wrong.

Kindness is wonderful. It’s the healing balm our world needs more of. But sometimes, what seems like kindness is actually an emotional manipulator’s tool for control.

You see, emotional manipulators have a knack for using words that sound kind—yet aren’t.

So, if you’ve ever wondered, “Am I being manipulated?” or “How can I protect myself from manipulation?” this article is just what you need.

Let’s dive into seven phrases emotional manipulators use – phrases that may seem kind on the surface but carry an entirely different intention underneath.

Remember, understanding is the first step towards resilience and balance in our relationships and interactions.

1) “I’m only saying this for your own good.”

We’ve all heard this one, right?

It’s usually a precursor to some unsolicited advice or criticism. The manipulator uses this phrase to justify their critique by making it seem like they’re only trying to help you.

They might even follow it up with something like, “I’m your friend, I wouldn’t lie to you.”

But here’s the catch.

While it seems friendly on the surface, it’s actually a way to undermine your confidence and decision-making abilities. It suggests that the manipulator knows better than you do about what’s good for you.

The truth is, genuine kindness respects personal boundaries and doesn’t impose unsolicited advice or criticism.

So keep an eye out for this phrase and remember, you have the right to make your own decisions and learn from your own mistakes.

2) “I hate to be the one to tell you this, but…”

Now, this one hits close to home.

I remember a former colleague of mine, let’s call him Jake. Sweet-talking Jake was always the bearer of ‘bad news’.

He used this phrase a lot, often followed by some gossip or criticism about someone in the office.

“I hate to be the one to tell you this, but everyone thinks your presentation was too long,” he once told me, feigning concern.

It seemed like he was just looking out for me. But over time, I realized he was using this phrase to spread negativity and create self-doubt, all under the guise of being a ‘good friend’.

The thing is, true friends don’t spread gossip or negativity. They communicate openly and honestly without causing unnecessary harm.

Watch out for this phrase—it’s not as well-intentioned as it might seem.

3) “You’re too sensitive.”

I bet you’ve heard this one before, perhaps even from someone close to you.

It’s a phrase that can stop us in our tracks, making us question our reactions and feelings. “Am I overreacting? Am I being irrational?”

The thing is, emotional manipulators use this phrase to dismiss or invalidate your feelings. It’s their way of shifting the blame onto you instead of addressing the issue at hand.

Let me say this loud and clear: Your feelings are valid. There’s no ‘too sensitive’ when it comes to how you feel about something. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Remember, a true friend or loved one respects your feelings and listens to your concerns instead of dismissing them.

Be wary of anyone who uses this phrase to invalidate your emotions – it’s not kindness, it’s manipulation.

4) “Don’t you trust me?”

This phrase can feel like a punch to the gut.

Trust is a fundamental pillar of any relationship, be it friendship, family, or romantic. So, when someone questions your trust, it can leave you feeling guilty and doubtful.

But here’s the thing.

Emotional manipulators often use this phrase as a guilt-trip. It’s their way of diverting attention away from their questionable actions and putting you on the defensive instead.

The next time someone asks, “Don’t you trust me?” step back and evaluate the situation. Are they using this phrase to avoid accountability?

Trust is earned through actions, not just words. Don’t let anyone manipulate your trust under the pretense of kindness.

5) “You’re overthinking this.”

The human brain is a fascinating organ. Did you know it’s capable of producing approximately 50,000 thoughts per day? And for some of us, it might feel like we’re juggling all 50,000 at once!

But here’s where it gets tricky.

An emotional manipulator might use the phrase “You’re overthinking this” to dismiss your concerns or worries.

It’s an attempt to make you doubt your own judgment and make their perspective seem like the ‘rational’ one.

It’s natural to think things through. Don’t let anyone undermine your thought process under the guise of being ‘helpful’.

Genuine friends encourage open dialogue and respect your thoughts, even if they don’t fully understand them.

6) “I know you better than you know yourself.”

This phrase might initially seem like a testament to the closeness of your relationship with the person saying it. After all, who doesn’t want to feel deeply understood by those around them?

However, it’s crucial to tread with caution here.

Emotional manipulators use this phrase to impose their perceptions, beliefs, or decisions onto you. It’s their way of subtly suggesting that they have a superior understanding of you and your needs.

But remember, you are the best author of your own life story. No one knows you better than you know yourself. It’s okay to trust your instincts and stand by your choices.

A truly kind person will respect your autonomy and support you, even if they don’t entirely understand or agree with all your decisions.

7) “I’m just being honest.”

Honesty is a virtue, but it can sometimes be used as a weapon in the hands of an emotional manipulator.

This phrase often precedes or follows a hurtful comment, criticism, or harsh opinion. The manipulator uses it as a shield, giving them an excuse to say something unkind under the pretense of being ‘honest’.

But here’s the key.

Honesty doesn’t equate to cruelty. True honesty is delivered with respect and consideration for the other person’s feelings.

So if someone uses “I’m just being honest” as an excuse to hurt or belittle you, know that it’s not true honesty – it’s manipulation. You deserve kindness that is genuine and respectful.

Final thoughts

Navigating the landscape of emotional manipulation can be challenging. If you recognize any of these phrases in your daily interactions, it’s essential to remember – it’s not about blaming yourself.

Instead, consider it an opportunity for growth and self-awareness.

Start by observing your conversations and interactions. Look out for these phrases, and more importantly, reflect on how they make you feel.

Sometimes, the gut feeling is the best indicator of something being amiss.

Change doesn’t happen overnight. It requires patience, practice, and persistence.

But every step you take towards understanding emotional manipulation can be a significant stride in reclaiming your power.

Lastly, remember this – you are deserving of genuine kindness and respect. Asserting boundaries or standing up for yourself does not make you difficult or unkind. It makes you resilient.

So, take a deep breath, trust your instincts, and continue to cultivate awareness. You are stronger than you think, and every challenge is an opportunity to grow stronger still.

As my granddad would say: “Not all that glitters is gold.”

But in recognizing the difference between genuine kindness and manipulation, you are indeed striking gold – the gold of self-empowerment and emotional resilience.