7 phrases narcissists use to undermine your confidence and make you feel insignficant

My old boss used to say, “Words are powerful. They can make or break you.”

And you know what? He was spot on.

In our daily interactions, we encounter different individuals — some inspire us, while others… well, let’s just say they have a knack for making us doubt ourselves.

You see, there are people out there who are experts at using language to undermine others’ confidence and make them feel insignificant. We call these folks narcissists.

Now, here’s the kicker.

These narcissists might be closer to you than you think. They could be your coworker, your partner, even your best friend. And their damaging phrases can often go unnoticed because they’re so subtly woven into regular conversations.

So, if you’ve ever found yourself questioning your worth after a chat with someone, it’s time to wake up and smell the manipulation.

In this article, we’ll delve into the seven phrases narcissists commonly use to undermine your confidence and make you feel insignificant. Recognizing these phrases is the first step towards reclaiming your power and fostering healthier relationships—both in your personal and professional life.

After all, nobody should have the power to shake your self-esteem — remember that.

1) “You’re too sensitive”

Let’s kick things off with one of the classics.

Have you ever been told that you’re “too sensitive” or that you “overreact” to things?

Well, guess what? This is a classic narcissistic phrase designed to belittle your feelings and make you doubt yourself.

Narcissists use this phrase as a defense mechanism, turning the tables to make it seem like your reaction is the problem, not their action.

Here’s the deal.

It’s completely valid and normal to have emotional reactions. Narcissists just use this phrase to control the narrative and dismiss your feelings.

So, remember, the next time someone tells you that you’re “too sensitive,” it might just be a sign that they are trying to undermine your confidence.

2) “I was just joking”

Let’s talk about another common phrase, “I was just joking.”

I remember a time when I had a friend who would constantly make snide remarks about my ambitions to start my own business. Whenever I would confront him, he’d brush it off with a hearty, “I was just joking.”

Now, here’s what I learned.

This is another classic tactic narcissists use to belittle you and your feelings. They’ll make a hurtful comment, and then when you react, they’ll use the “I was just joking” defense to make you feel like you’re overreacting.

The reality is that they’re trying to mask their hurtful comments as humor. It’s a subtle way of undermining your confidence and making you feel small.

If someone constantly hides behind the “joke” defense while making derogatory remarks, it’s time to take note. It might be more than just harmless jesting.

3) “Nobody else thinks that”

Here’s a phrase that can really sting — “Nobody else thinks that.”

This was something an old colleague of mine would often say. Every time I expressed an opinion or idea that was different from hers, she’d hit me with a, “I don’t know why you think that, nobody else does.”

This phrase is designed to isolate you, to make you feel like your thoughts and feelings are invalid or abnormal. It’s a textbook tactic used by narcissists to make you doubt your own judgment and reduce your confidence.

But here’s the truth.

Your thoughts and feelings are your own. They are valid, regardless of what anyone else thinks or says. So, the next time someone tells you, “Nobody else thinks that,” remember it’s a reflection of them, not you.

4) “You always…” or “You never…”

Ever heard someone start a sentence with “You always…” or “You never…”?

These phrases are a favorite in the narcissist’s toolbox. They use them to exaggerate your faults or shortcomings and to dismiss your strengths or achievements.

It goes something like this — “You always make mistakes” or “You never do anything right.”

The problem with these absolute statements is that they are rarely accurate and often serve to belittle you and undermine your confidence.

Always remember, nobody is perfect. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Don’t let anyone use your flaws as a weapon against your self-esteem.

5) “I’m not being mean, you’re just taking it the wrong way”

Let’s delve into another phrase that narcissists often use — “I’m not being mean, you’re just taking it the wrong way.”

This phrase is a classic example of gaslighting, a manipulative tactic narcissists use to make you question your perception of reality.

Here’s a fascinating bit of information.

The term “gaslighting” originates from a 1938 play (and later a film) called “Gas Light,” where a man manipulates his wife into believing she’s going insane.

In a similar vein, when a narcissist says, “I’m not being mean, you’re just taking it the wrong way,” they’re essentially shifting the blame onto you. They’re avoiding accountability for their hurtful words or actions by making you question your interpretation of the situation.

So, if someone is constantly making you doubt your perception of events, take note. This could be a red flag that they’re trying to undermine your confidence.

6) “If you really loved me, you would…”

Now, let’s talk about a phrase that can really tug at your heartstrings – “If you really loved me, you would…”

This phrase is often used by narcissists to manipulate you into doing what they want. They’re essentially tying your actions to your feelings for them, making you question your love or commitment if you don’t comply.

But here’s something I want you to remember.

Love is not about compliance or meeting someone else’s every demand. Real love is about respect, understanding, and mutual compromise. Just because you choose not to do something doesn’t mean you love them any less.

7) “You’re imagining things”

Finally, we arrive at one of the most dangerous phrases a narcissist can use – “You’re imagining things.”

This statement is another form of gaslighting. It’s used to sow seeds of doubt in your mind about your own experiences and perceptions.

But here’s the most crucial thing you need to remember.

Your experiences are real. Your feelings are valid. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. If someone is constantly telling you that you’re “imagining things,” it’s a clear sign they’re trying to manipulate your reality and undermine your confidence.

The takeaway

If these phrases sound familiar to you, remember that it’s not about you, but about the narcissist’s attempt to control you.

Here’s the silver lining – recognizing these signs is the first step towards reclaiming your power.

With self-awareness comes the ability to respond differently. The next time someone uses these phrases, pause and remember their purpose – to undermine your confidence. Don’t let them.

This journey of self-awareness and self-empowerment isn’t easy or quick, but it’s worth it. It’s about honoring your feelings and standing up for yourself.

As the famous saying goes, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

So, take a moment, reflect on these phrases and decide today that you won’t allow anyone to undermine your confidence or make you feel insignificant.

After all, you are stronger than you believe, more capable than you know, and deserving of respect and kindness. Always remember that.