7 things people with high emotional intelligence never say to people they value

Isn’t it fascinating how some people always seem to say the right thing at the right time?

It’s like they have a sixth sense for navigating complex social situations, always leaving you feeling heard, valued, and respected. This, my friend, is a sign of high emotional intelligence.

But let’s flip the script a bit.

What if we told you that the real secret to high emotional intelligence isn’t just about what you should say but also about what you shouldn’t?

Intriguing, right?

Well, it’s not as cryptic as it sounds. As with most things in life, mastering the art of communication is as much about avoiding the pitfalls as it is about nailing the perfect response.

So, if you’re thinking “I want to navigate my personal and professional relationships more effectively,” we’ve got some insights for you.

Here are seven things that people with high emotional intelligence never say to those they value.

This isn’t just about avoiding foot-in-mouth moments; it’s about nurturing meaningful connections that foster mutual respect and understanding.

Stick around, and you might just learn how to level up your emotional intelligence game.

1) “You’re overreacting”

Have you ever been told you’re overreacting? Kind of stings, doesn’t it?

Well, that’s why emotionally intelligent people steer clear of this phrase. They understand that emotions aren’t a one-size-fits-all kind of deal. What might seem like an overreaction to one person could be a perfectly normal response for another.

Instead, they adopt a more empathetic approach.

They listen, validate the other person’s feelings, and offer support, creating a safe space for open communication. It’s not about agreeing or disagreeing with the person’s response; it’s about acknowledging their right to feel the way they do.

Remember, emotional intelligence isn’t just about understanding your own emotions; it also involves understanding others’ emotions. And that’s quite a powerful tool for building strong, meaningful relationships.

2) “I told you so”

I’ll be honest with you.

There was a time, not too long ago, when I used to dish out “I told you so’s” like candy on Halloween. I thought it was a way of asserting my foresight or intelligence. But here’s what I’ve learned: it’s not.

Saying “I told you so” can come off as condescending and dismissive. It can make the other person feel small and belittled, and none of us want to make people we value feel that way, right?

So, I made a conscious effort to change my ways.

Now, when someone makes a mistake that I had previously warned them about, instead of saying “I told you so,” I offer a helping hand or a listening ear. Because at the end of the day, we all mess up sometimes.

What we need in those moments isn’t a reminder of our mistake but reassurance that it’s okay to stumble and learn.

Trust me, the change in response has been incredible. People appreciate this approach far more than any insightful “I told you so” I could have offered.

3) “It’s not that big of a deal”

There’s a story behind this one.

One evening, my friend shared with me her disappointment over a promotion she didn’t get. My immediate response? “It’s not that big of a deal.”

Words I regretted as soon as they left my mouth.

See, to me, it wasn’t a big deal. But to her? It was everything. And in that moment, my words didn’t offer comfort or support; they belittled her experience and made her feel insignificant.

That’s when I realized this phrase has no place in my vocabulary.

People with high emotional intelligence understand that what may seem insignificant to them could be monumental to someone else. They never dismiss another person’s feelings or experiences as “not being a big deal.”

Instead, they listen, they empathize, and they validate the other person’s perspective. They understand that emotional intelligence is about respect for others’ feelings as much as it is about understanding their own.

So remember: if someone trusts you enough to share their feelings with you, honor that trust by acknowledging their experience and offering your support.

After all, isn’t that what we all want when we open up to someone?

4) “Why can’t you be more like…”

Comparisons. They’re a tricky business, aren’t they?

People with high emotional intelligence know better than to compare the people they value with others. Why? Because they understand that everyone is unique, with their own strengths, weaknesses, and individual journeys.

Think about it.

When you say, “Why can’t you be more like…,” what you’re really saying is “I wish you were different.” And that can hurt. It can make the other person feel as though they’re not good enough just as they are.

Instead, emotionally intelligent people focus on appreciating and encouraging the individual qualities of the people around them. They celebrate their differences and help them grow in their own unique ways.

The next time you’re tempted to draw comparisons, take a moment to appreciate that person just as they are. It’s our differences that make us who we are.

5) “You always…” or “You never…”

Did you know that the human brain is naturally inclined to remember negative experiences more vividly than positive ones? It’s a survival mechanism, helping us avoid potential threats in the future.

This might explain why we often resort to using absolute terms like “always” and “never” when we’re upset or frustrated.

But those with high emotional intelligence recognize this tendency and avoid it. They understand that using absolute terms can feel accusatory and unfair, fostering resentment and damaging relationships.

Instead, they choose their words carefully, focusing on specific behaviors or instances rather than making sweeping generalizations. This approach facilitates constructive dialogue and helps maintain mutual respect, even during disagreements.

Communication, after all, is not just about expressing ourselves; it’s also about how we make others feel.

6) “Just get over it”

Ever had one of those days when you feel like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders? We all have, right?

Now, imagine hearing “Just get over it” in that moment. Not very comforting, is it?

People with high emotional intelligence understand this. They know that healing and processing feelings don’t come with an expiration date. Everyone moves at their own pace.

Instead of rushing someone to “get over” their feelings, they offer patience and understanding. They provide a comforting presence, assuring the person that it’s okay to take their time to heal and grow.

In a world that’s often in a hurry, this kind of patience is not just rare; it’s precious. And it can make all the difference in helping someone navigate through tough times.

7) “That’s just how I am”

The most emotionally intelligent people understand that personal growth is a lifelong journey. They never use phrases like “That’s just how I am” as an excuse for their actions or to avoid change.

They know that acknowledging our shortcomings is the first step towards progress, not a sign of weakness.

So instead of using their nature as a crutch, they embrace the opportunity to learn and grow. They’re constantly striving to be better, understanding that every interaction is a chance to improve.

Because at the end of the day, being emotionally intelligent isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being aware of our imperfections and working towards becoming the best version of ourselves.

Toward emotional intelligence

If you’ve recognized some of these phrases in your own language, don’t be too hard on yourself. We’re all human, and we all have room for growth.

The good news? Emotional intelligence isn’t static. It’s not a fixed trait that you’re either born with or not. It’s a skill that can be developed, honed, and improved over time with practice and conscious effort.

Start by becoming more self-aware. Listen to your own words and the impact they have on others. Pay attention to how you respond in different situations.

Remember, it’s not about never making mistakes but about learning from them. Every conversation, every interaction, is an opportunity to do better, to be better.

It may take time, and that’s okay. Change often does.

But with each mindful decision to choose empathy over dismissal, understanding over judgment, patience over haste – you’re taking a step towards becoming a more emotionally intelligent individual.

And that’s something worth striving for.

Because at the end of the day, our words have power. They can build bridges or walls, heal wounds or inflict them, nurture relationships or strain them.

So let’s use them wisely. Let’s use them with emotional intelligence.