When someone repeatedly forgets to return your calls, it’s clear they’re not valuing your time.
When a friend cancels plans at the last minute, it’s evident they’re taking you for granted.
That’s friendship 101.
However, relationships aren’t always that black and white.
In fact, the dynamics of friendship can be so nuanced and layered that it takes a keen eye and a bit of self-awareness to identify if you’re the one always giving more than you get.
Interestingly, there are those among us who have an uncanny knack for this type of self-assessment.
Typically, they exhibit these eight tell-tale signs.
So, let’s dive in and explore these signposts a bit further.
After all, understanding our interpersonal interactions is a crucial step toward personal growth and achieving balance in our lives.
1) You’re the go-to problem solver
You know the drill.
A friend calls you in the middle of the night, upset about a fight with their significant other, and you’re the one who stays up until dawn, offering words of comfort and advice.
Or perhaps you’re the person everyone turns to when they’re in a pinch – need a last-minute babysitter, a ride to the airport, or someone to help move? That’s you.
This might seem like just being a good friend. And it is.
But when it becomes a pattern, where you’re constantly the one solving problems and extending help without receiving equal support in return, it might be a sign that the balance in your friendship is skewed.
Remember, friendships are a two-way street. It’s as much about giving as it is about receiving.
Recognizing this imbalance is the first step towards achieving a healthier dynamic in your relationships.
2) Your plans always revolve around them
Let me share a personal story.
A couple of years back, I had a friend named Alex. Every time we decided to hang out, it was always about what Alex wanted to do, where Alex wanted to eat, or what movie Alex wanted to see.
I never really minded because I enjoyed his company.
However, one day it hit me. We were planning to meet up and I suggested a new cafe I had been dying to try. Alex immediately shot down my idea, suggesting his favorite burger joint instead.
It was at that moment I realized that our plans were never about ‘us’, they were always about ‘him’.
And that’s when it clicked – I was always giving more in our friendship than I got back.
If you find yourself in a similar situation where your desires and interests are constantly sidelined for the other person’s preferences, it might be a sign that you’re giving too much in the friendship.
It’s essential for both parties’ needs to be considered equally for a balanced and fulfilling friendship.
3) You’re always the listener, rarely the speaker
In any conversation, there’s usually a speaker and a listener. But in a balanced friendship, these roles should regularly switch back and forth.
Research found that having a conversation where one person does all the talking while the other only listens can lead to feelings of loneliness and social dissatisfaction.
So if you find yourself consistently on the listening end, nodding along as your friend vents about their day, their job, their relationships but rarely get a chance to share your own experiences, it might be an indication that you’re putting more into the friendship than you’re receiving.
Remember, communication is a two-way street. It’s not only about empathizing with their stories but also sharing your own.
4) You’re always the one reaching out
In the digital age, staying in touch is as easy as pressing a button. Yet, if you’re the one always initiating contact, sending the first text, making the call or arranging the hangouts, it might be a sign that you’re investing more in the friendship.
Healthy friendships don’t keep score, but they do require mutual effort and engagement.
If your attempts to connect are often met with lukewarm responses, or even worse, ignored altogether, it can feel like you’re shouting into a void. This feeling of imbalance can lead to feelings of frustration and resentment.
Remember, it takes two to tango. If you’re always the one leading the dance, it might be time to evaluate if this friendship is serving your needs as well.
5) You feel drained after spending time with them
I’ve been there, and I bet many of you have too.
You meet up with a friend, spend a few hours together, and when you part ways, instead of feeling recharged and happy, you feel emotionally drained.
I remember times when I would come home from such meetups and just collapse on my couch, feeling like I had run a marathon.
And that’s the thing. Friendships should energize you, not drain you. If you’re constantly feeling exhausted after spending time with a friend, it might be because you’re giving too much of yourself in the relationship.
It’s important to remember that while friendships require effort, they shouldn’t leave you feeling depleted or emotionally exhausted.
If they do, it might be time to reassess and establish healthier boundaries.
6) You often feel like the ‘parent’ in the friendship
While it may seem like a positive trait to be the responsible and mature one in a friendship, it can sometimes indicate an imbalance.
If you’re always the one reminding your friend about appointments, helping them meet deadlines, or even waking them up for their morning class, you’re not just being a friend – you’re stepping into parental territory.
This type of dynamic can quickly turn a friendship into a caretaker role, where you’re constantly looking after the other person’s needs while neglecting your own.
The key is to remember that friendships are relationships between equals. If one party starts acting like a parent, it’s definitely time for a talk.
7) You’re consistently making excuses for them
We all make excuses for our friends occasionally. They’re late to a meetup, they forget a birthday, and we brush it off thinking, “That’s just how they are”.
However, if you find yourself constantly justifying their behavior or making excuses for their actions towards you or others, it’s a sign that you might be giving too much in your friendship.
In a balanced friendship, both parties take responsibility for their actions and try to rectify their mistakes.
If you’re always the one smoothing things over, it might be time to reassess the dynamics of your friendship.
8) You feel unappreciated
If after all the giving, all the effort, all the compromises, you still feel unappreciated or taken for granted, it’s a clear sign that you’re giving more than you’re getting in your friendship.
A healthy friendship involves mutual respect and appreciation. Your efforts should be recognized and valued. If they’re not, it might be time to have a conversation with your friend or reconsider the friendship altogether.
In conclusion
Ultimately, if you’ve read this far, you should now realize that being the one who always gives more in a friendship doesn’t mean you’re weak or a pushover.
It’s a testament to your empathy, your generosity, and your strength.
But remember, true friendships are about balance and reciprocity. It’s not just about giving, but also receiving.
It’s about mutual respect and understanding, about being there for each other in equal measure.
American author and motivational speaker, Jim Rohn once said, “The more you care, the stronger you can be.”
So don’t let the imbalance of a few relationships discourage you from caring.
Instead, let it empower you to seek healthier, more balanced relationships where your efforts are appreciated and reciprocated.
After all, you’re not just a generous friend. You’re probably an amazing person to have around.
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