6 subtle phrases to win over new people and build an instant connection

When meeting someone new, creating an immediate bond can feel like a tricky dance.

You see, there’s a big difference between just chatting and making a real connection. It’s about using the right words to make others feel seen and heard, to make them feel special.

That’s why I’ve put together 6 subtle phrases that can help you win over new people and build an instant connection. These are phrases that go beyond small talk to foster genuine warmth and understanding.

Are you ready to take your conversations to the next level?

Let’s dive in.

1) “I’ve noticed that…”

We all want to feel recognized and acknowledged. It’s a basic human need.

And when you’re meeting someone new, making them feel seen can go a long way toward building a connection.

That’s where the phrase “I’ve noticed that…” comes in. It’s a subtle way of showing that you’re paying attention to the other person, that you’re noticing the small things about them.

Whether it’s something about their appearance, their demeanor, or something they’ve said – pointing it out shows that you’re truly engaged in the interaction.

For example, you could say, “I’ve noticed that you have a great sense of style”, or “I’ve noticed that you seem really passionate about your work.”

Just remember, sincerity is key here. As put by Dale Carnegie, author of the legendaryHow To Win Friends And Influence People, we should “make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.” Make sure your observation is genuine and positive, and watch as it helps foster an instant connection.

2) “That reminds me of the time when…”

A great way to connect with someone new is by sharing a bit about yourself. But here’s the catch – it has to be relevant.

The phrase “That reminds me of the time when…” is a perfect bridge for that.

It’s a way to share a personal story or experience that directly relates to what the other person just said. It shows that you’re listening, and that you’re willing to open up too.

Let me share an example from my own life. I was at a networking event, and I met someone who mentioned they had recently started learning Spanish. I responded, “That reminds me of the time when I first started learning French. It was challenging but so rewarding!”

Instantly, we had something in common to talk about, and it made our conversation more personal and engaging. Remember, it’s all about finding those shared experiences or feelings that can help build a connection.

3) “You must feel/have felt…”

It’s no secret that empathy is one of the quickest ways to build an authentic connection. As the folks at Very Well Mind emphasize, “Empathizing with others is essential for healthy relationships and communication.”

And the phrase “You must feel…” or “You must have felt…” helps you tap into that.

When you acknowledge someone’s emotional experience, you’re not just listening—you’re empathizing. This phrase shows that you’re trying to understand what they’re going through on a deeper level.

Imagine someone telling you about a tough project they’ve been working on. By responding with, “You must feel pretty exhausted after all that work,” you’re offering more than just a comment. You’re validating their experience.

The beauty of this phrase is that it doesn’t require you to share the exact same experience. You’re simply showing the other person that you’re putting yourself in their shoes—instantly deepening the connection.

4) “{Their name}”

Okay, so I know this isn’t exactly a phrase, but using someone’s name when you’re speaking to them is a simple yet powerful way to make an instant connection. It feels personal, direct, and shows that you see them as an individual.

As put by Dale Carnegie, “a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”

Think about it—how often do we go through conversations without using someone’s name?

It’s easy to forget, but using their name can be a subtle game-changer. Whether it’s a casual chat or a more formal setting, dropping someone’s name into the conversation helps to establish a sense of familiarity and warmth.

For example, instead of saying “Hey, how’s it going?”, try saying “Hey, John, how’s it going?” It sounds more intentional, right? It’s a small tweak, but the impact is huge. People feel acknowledged, and you’ll immediately stand out from the countless others who skip this small, yet meaningful, gesture.

5) “I might be wrong, but…”

We often think that to connect with people, we need to show how right we are. But sometimes, admitting that we might be wrong can be even more powerful. “I might be wrong, but…” is a phrase that shows humility and openness to other viewpoints.

For example, if you’re discussing a topic and you have a different opinion, you could say, “I might be wrong, but I think that…”

This phrase shows that while you have your own ideas and perspectives, you’re not rigid about them. You’re open to hearing other points of view and open to learning something new.

This willingness to admit uncertainty can make others feel more comfortable sharing their thoughts and experiences, leading to a more connected conversation.

6) “Just to make sure I understand you correctly…”

Last but not least, one of the best ways to show that you’re truly listening to someone is to clarify their message with the phrase, “Just to make sure I understand you correctly…”

This not only ensures that you’re on the same page but also communicates that you’re actively engaged in the conversation. It tells the other person that you’re committed to understanding their perspective, not just waiting for your turn to speak.

As Stephen Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, wisely observed, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” By taking the time to clarify what someone is saying, you’re breaking that habit.

You’re demonstrating that you care about their point of view, which fosters a sense of trust and connection.

Whether you’re in a casual conversation or a more complex discussion, this phrase can be a game-changer. It helps avoid misunderstandings, makes the other person feel valued, and shows that you’re truly listening.

Final thoughts: It’s all about authenticity

At the heart of every meaningful connection lies one key element – authenticity.

When we interact with others from a place of genuine interest and sincerity, we create an atmosphere of trust and mutual understanding. These subtle phrases we’ve discussed are not magic words, but tools to express our authentic selves.

And remember it’s not just about what you say, but how you say it. Your tone, body language, and most importantly, your intent, can make all the difference.

As always, I hope you found some value in this post and it inspires you to go out there and connect.  Here’s to better first impressions and stronger relationships!