For most of my life, I believed that all friendships were worth holding onto, no matter what. I thought loyalty meant sticking by people—even when they drained my energy or added nothing but negativity to my life.
But as I’ve gotten older (and hopefully a little wiser), I’ve realized how much the people you surround yourself with shape your happiness, success, and mental well-being.
Some friendships lift you, while others quietly weigh you down—psychology backs this up.
I’m Lachlan Brown, founder of Hack Spirit and a psychology enthusiast. Today, I want to share something that’s changed my life: identifying the types of friends who aren’t worth keeping around as we grow and evolve.
Letting go isn’t easy, but it’s essential if you want to create space for healthier, more meaningful connections in your life.
In this article, I’ll walk you through seven types of friends who—according to psychology—might be holding you back. Let’s dive in.
1) The energy vampire
We’ve all had that one friend who seems to drain the life out of us every time we’re around them. They’re constantly negative, always complaining, and rarely—if ever—interested in how you’re doing.
Psychologists often refer to these people as “energy vampires,” and for good reason: spending time with them leaves you feeling emotionally exhausted.
In my own experience, I used to think being a good friend meant always being there for someone, no matter what.
But over time, I realized that these one-sided friendships were taking a toll on my mental health. It’s not selfish to set boundaries with people who consistently bring you down—it’s necessary.
If you have a friend like this in your life, ask yourself: do I feel uplifted after spending time with them? Or do I feel drained?
Recognizing the impact they have on your well-being is the first step toward making healthier choices about who you allow into your inner circle.
2) The chronic critic
For years, I had a friend who never missed an opportunity to point out my flaws. Whether it was a small mistake at work or the way I handled a personal situation, they always seemed to have something critical to say.
At first, I brushed it off as “tough love,” but over time, their constant criticism started to chip away at my confidence.
I remember once sharing an idea I was excited about—a project I wanted to start on the side. Instead of encouragement, they immediately pointed out all the ways it could fail.
I left that conversation feeling deflated and doubting myself. Looking back, I realized their criticisms were less about helping me improve and more about bringing me down.
Psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
That quote hit me hard because I realized that constructive feedback helps us grow, but constant criticism makes self-acceptance—and growth—impossible.
If you’ve got someone in your life who’s always tearing you down instead of lifting you up, it’s worth reevaluating whether they belong there.
A real friend offers support and encouragement, not a constant stream of negativity disguised as “honesty.”
3) The disappearing act
I used to have a friend who was great—when they were around. The problem? They were hardly ever around.
This was the kind of person who would only show up when it was convenient for them or when they needed something. When I needed support, though, they were nowhere to be found.
I vividly remember going through a rough time a few years ago when I had just lost a family member. I reached out to this friend, hoping for even a small gesture of comfort or support.
They never responded. Not even a text. Yet, months later, they popped back into my life as if nothing had happened, asking for advice about something that felt trivial in comparison.
What I’ve learned over time is that relationships—friendships included—need to be mutual.
If someone only shows up when it benefits them and disappears when you need them the most, they’re not truly invested in you or your well-being.
As Brené Brown, the acclaimed researcher on vulnerability and connection, wisely said: “A connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued.”
With disappearing friends, that connection feels one-sided—and ultimately, hollow.
Friendship isn’t about keeping score, but it is about showing up for each other. If someone in your life can’t make the effort to be present when it matters, it might be time to let them fade into the background for good.
4) The competitive friend
I used to be close with someone who turned everything into a competition. If I shared good news—whether it was a promotion, a fitness goal, or even just a fun weekend trip—they’d immediately try to one-up me.
It wasn’t just casual competition; it felt like my accomplishments only served as fuel for their need to prove they were “better.”
At first, I laughed it off, thinking it was just their personality. But over time, I noticed how draining and toxic it was.
Instead of celebrating my wins, I found myself downplaying them to avoid triggering their competitive streak. That’s when I realized: true friends cheer for you, they don’t see your success as a threat.
This isn’t just a feeling—science backs this up.
Based on an article published in The Daily Telegraph, research suggests that strong friendships thrive on mutual support and shared joy in each other’s successes, while envy and rivalry can introduce stress and weaken trust in the relationship.
For instance, toxic friendships, marked by high conflict and competition, can significantly impact our well-being, leaving us feeling drained and undermining the trust in the relationship.
If you’ve got a friend who seems more focused on keeping score than building each other up, take a step back and ask yourself if their energy is helping or hurting your mental health.
Life’s hard enough without having to compete with the people who are supposed to be in your corner.
5) The constant victim
For a long time, I stayed close to someone who always seemed to be in the middle of a crisis. At first, I wanted to help—I mean, that’s what friends are for, right?
But after a while, I noticed a pattern. No matter what advice I gave or how much support I offered, nothing ever changed. They always found a way to turn every situation into a tragedy where they were the victim.
I remember one specific moment when it hit me.
I had just finished venting about something tough I was going through at work, and instead of listening or offering support, they turned the conversation back to themselves: “You think that’s bad? Let me tell you what happened to me.”
It was like their struggles always had to outshine everyone else’s.
Being around someone who constantly plays the victim can be emotionally exhausting. Psychology even has a term for this: the “victim mentality.”
Over time, this can drain your energy and leave little room for reciprocal support.
If you find yourself constantly giving but never receiving in return—especially with someone who seems stuck in their own narrative—it might be time to re-evaluate that friendship.
Healthy relationships are built on mutual understanding and growth, not endless cycles of drama and self-pity.
6) The gossip
I used to have a friend who always had “tea” to spill about someone else. At first, it was entertaining—who doesn’t love hearing the latest drama every now and then?
But over time, I started to notice how toxic it was. Their conversations were almost entirely centered on other people’s flaws, mistakes, or secrets.
And then it hit me: if they were so comfortable talking about others behind their backs, what were they saying about me when I wasn’t around?
One moment that stuck with me was when I told this friend something deeply personal, something I wasn’t ready to share with others.
A week later, I found out they’d casually mentioned it to someone else “by accident.”
That betrayal stung, but it also opened my eyes to how gossiping damages trust—not just with the person being talked about but also within the friendship itself.
Psychologist Alfred Adler once said, “The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.”
For me, this quote rings true when it comes to friendships with gossips. You start guarding what you say, walking on eggshells, and worrying about what they might reveal next.
That’s not a real friendship—it’s a source of constant anxiety.
A true friend respects your privacy and focuses on meaningful conversations rather than tearing others down.
If someone in your life thrives on gossip, it’s worth asking yourself if they’re adding anything positive—or just creating mistrust and unnecessary drama.
7) The overly agreeable friend
This might sound surprising, but one of the hardest realizations I’ve had is that not all “nice” friends are good for you.
I once had a friend who agreed with everything I said, no matter the topic. At first, it felt great—they were supportive and never argued with me.
But after a while, I started to notice something was missing: honesty.
Whenever I asked for advice or shared an idea, they’d always say something like, “That’s awesome!” or “You’re totally right.”
While this felt validating in the moment, it didn’t help me grow. I realized they were so focused on avoiding conflict that they weren’t being authentic or challenging me when it mattered.
If you have an overly agreeable friend in your life, try this: next time you’re seeking advice or feedback, ask them directly to share their honest opinion—even if it’s different from yours.
Something like, “I really want to hear your perspective, even if you don’t agree with me,” can create space for a more authentic connection.
And if they still can’t engage honestly, it might be time to question whether the relationship is as meaningful as it seems.
Conclusion: Choose quality over quantity
As you get older, it becomes clear that not every friendship is built to last—and that’s okay.
The key is to focus on quality over quantity. Surround yourself with people who uplift you, challenge you, and genuinely care about your well-being.
If any of the seven types of friends we’ve discussed sound familiar, don’t feel guilty about creating some distance.
Remember, setting boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s essential for your personal growth and mental health.
Here’s a simple action step: take inventory of your closest relationships. Ask yourself, “Does this person add value to my life? Do I feel supported and respected?”
If the answer is no, it might be time to let go and make space for healthier, more fulfilling connections.
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