If you want to feel more loved by your children as you age, say goodbye to these behaviors

I used to believe that love from our children was something automatic—as if it would always be there, no matter what.

But as the years go by, I’ve come to realize that feeling truly loved and appreciated by them isn’t just about time passing—it’s about how we navigate our relationships along the way.

The truth is, some behaviors can create distance, even when we don’t intend them to.

And if we hold onto them, we might find ourselves feeling more isolated than cherished.

If you want to feel more loved by your children as you age, it might be time to let go of these habits.

1) Holding onto control instead of trusting them

It’s natural to want the best for our children, even when they’re grown. But there’s a fine line between offering guidance and trying to control their choices.

Whether it’s how they raise their own kids, manage their careers, or make life decisions, constantly questioning or correcting them can make them feel like they’ll never be good enough in your eyes.

Over time, this can push them away—not because they don’t love you, but because they want to feel trusted and respected as adults.

Letting go of control doesn’t mean you stop caring. It means showing confidence in who they’ve become and allowing your relationship to evolve into one built on mutual respect, not authority.

2) Expecting them to always reach out first

I used to sit by my phone, waiting for my kids to call or text, wondering why I wasn’t hearing from them as often as I wanted.

I told myself they were just busy with their own lives, but deep down, I felt a little hurt. Didn’t they miss me? Didn’t they want to check in?

Then one day, I decided to flip the script. Instead of waiting, I reached out first—just a simple message to say hello, no guilt-tripping or expectations attached.

And you know what? They responded warmly, and our conversations became more frequent and natural.

I realized I had been putting all the responsibility on them without considering that connection is a two-way street.

If we want to feel more loved by our children, sometimes we have to take the first step.

3) Making everything about what you did for them

I sacrificed so much for my children. The late nights, the worries, the things I went without so they could have more.

And sometimes, when I felt unappreciated, I wanted to remind them of it.

But every time I said, “After everything I’ve done for you…”—whether out loud or just in my head—it created an invisible wall between us.

Because love isn’t a debt they owe me. And if I keep bringing up the past as proof of what I deserve now, it turns our relationship into a transaction instead of something genuine.

Yes, I gave them everything I could. But I didn’t do it for a reward—I did it because I love them.

And if I want to feel more loved in return, I have to let that love breathe freely, without conditions.

4) Dismissing their feelings or experiences

There were times when my children shared their struggles with me, and my first instinct was to downplay them.

“You think that’s hard? When I was your age, I had it way worse.”
“You’ll understand when you’re older.”
“You’re overreacting.”

I didn’t mean to be dismissive—I thought I was offering perspective or toughening them up. But what I was really doing was making them feel unheard.

No one wants to open up to someone who constantly minimizes their feelings. If I want a deeper relationship with my children, I have to listen—not to fix, compare, or judge, but simply to understand.

5) Only showing love in ways that feel natural to you

For the longest time, I showed love the way I knew how—giving advice, doing things for my kids, making sure they had what they needed.

But I started to notice something. What felt like love to me didn’t always register as love to them.

Psychologists have found that people experience love in different ways—through words, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, or gifts.

And if I only express love in my own way without considering theirs, they might not feel it as deeply as I intend.

So I started paying attention. If my child values words of affirmation, I make an effort to say “I’m proud of you.” If they appreciate quality time, I put my phone down and truly engage.

Love isn’t just about what we give—it’s about making sure it’s received the way it’s needed.

6) Taking their busy lives personally

There was a time when a few missed calls or short replies would leave me feeling forgotten.

I’d wonder if I had done something wrong, if I wasn’t as important to them anymore.

But then I remembered what it was like when I was in their stage of life—juggling work, family, responsibilities, and just trying to keep everything from falling apart.

Their busyness isn’t a reflection of how much they love me. It’s simply life pulling them in a hundred directions.

So instead of feeling hurt, I choose to be understanding. To appreciate the moments we do get, no matter how small. Because love isn’t measured by frequency—it’s measured by presence when it truly counts.

7) Withholding love to make a point

There were moments when I felt unappreciated, moments when I wanted to pull back—to wait for them to come to me, to let them see what it felt like.

But love isn’t something to be rationed or used as leverage. It’s not a prize for good behavior or a tool for teaching lessons.

If I want to feel more loved by my children, I have to keep showing them love, even when it feels one-sided. Even when I wish they’d call more. Even when life gets in the way.

Because real love isn’t about keeping score. It’s about giving freely, knowing that when love is steady and unconditional, it always finds its way back.

The bottom line

Love from our children isn’t something we demand—it’s something we nurture.

The way we treat them as they grow shapes how they respond to us in return.

If we cling to control, dismiss their feelings, or make them feel indebted to us, we risk creating distance instead of closeness.

But the good news is, relationships can change. Small shifts in how we listen, support, and express love can open the door to deeper connection.

Instead of waiting to feel more loved, we can lead with love—freely, without conditions, without expectation.

Because at the end of the day, what we give with an open heart has the greatest chance of coming back to us.