Why we need to STOP telling our children DON’T, STOP and NO.

by Creating Change Mag

I can hear the people reading this headline and thinking, WHAT? THIS LADY IS CRAZY.  Well, first of all, STOP thinking about the pink polka dotted elephant so we can get through this blog post.
Ask yourself, what am I seeing in my mind right now? A Pink Polka dotted elephant perhaps. Am I right? Post in the comments.
I recently told my coach I didn’t like doing my evening review because the questions I needed to answer were all questions that made me focus on what I did wrong that day. It made me feel icky. He said, when we focus on the negative, we get more negative. This is nothing new to me, however, sometimes even the best coach, needs to be coached to open her eyes and see things differently. I needed to ask the questions differently. So how does this affect our children?
We as parents are always saying “don’t slam the door,” “don’t hit your brother/sister,” “stop yelling,” “stop your attitude.” What are our children really hearing? They hear “slam the door.” “Hit your brother.” “Yell.” “Attitude.” When we are born, we are born without fear and without limitations. We don’t know we “can’t” do something, we just keep trying till we get it. It’s not until we are raised hearing we can’t, not to, don’t and no, that we place limitations on ourselves.

What would happen if instead of saying, “Don’t slam the door” we said, please close the door gently? Or Instead of saying “stop your attitude,” we said, “Let’s be sweeter”? I think you would be surprised at the response you get versus what you have been getting. If we focus on the positive result we want, we will get more positive.
The BIGGEST issue with this is the famous words we have all heard, STOP CRYING. Why are we telling our kids not to feel? Not to release the toxic energy within them? I was told this my whole life, and as I spiritually awakened I spent 6 weeks crying to everything from commercials to rap songs. You know why? I had Thirty-seven years of crying to make up for. I no longer needed to hide my feelings, to stuff them down inside of me. Which filled me with anger and resentment. When I occasionally find myself in this pattern again, inevitably something bad always comes out of it. I am in no way saying to baby our children, but allow them to cry, be upset, angry, emotional. It is natural and something that all people need to develop. If we continue down the path we are on, we will be raising a generation of emotionally numb or worse adults with anger issues. Do you want your children to be zombies walking around doing just what they are told and not thinking for themselves? Or would you rather let them know their emotions, what it means and how to choose differently in any situation?
It’s time to raise an awake generation of children who know who they truly are and are allowed to express themselves.  When we begin to choose differently ourselves, we shine the light for others to do the same. Remember, it will always be monkey see, monkey do. Let’s stop fooling ourselves.

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